Learning to Let go and see the truth
by RibbonblueLeaves
Summary: This isn't a story to smile about, its one to cry, for love is never an easy thing to achieve.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Things are going great, so why is it I still feel Eli's touch. Jake and Alli made a mistake but I understand the reasons my best friend had to kiss Jake. She was vulnerable because of Dave's actions and also because of me. I wasn't a good friend at all, putting myself first and not granting Alli a single care in the world. Somehow, past this dark blur things seem to be getting clear. Alli and I are on speaking terms, were both helping each other…well I'm trying to help her.

And Jake" Clare, I promise I'll never runaway again", from the tone of his voice I knew he was speaking the truth but I wasn't able to drift my thoughts from Eli at that moment. My mind kept rummaging to the sight of his olive eyes, and greasy black hair, and this isn't the way it's supposed to be. I don't know what it is, it's not a type of reconnection, it's almost as if I'm falling in love with him again.

But I feel so ignorant and selfish, I should be happy that Jake and I are back together but my heart seems to be tugging strings back to Eli. That night in the woods, his touch was electric and he smirked….god I hadn't realized how much I missed Eli's smirks. I desperately wanted to kiss him, I was waiting in with eagerness, and in the end I realized Eli contained his enthusiasm for the kiss better than I did. When I told Jake I wanted to kiss Eli to get back at him, I lied; I wanted to kiss Eli because my body was pleading for it, it is something I yet can't explain. And the thing is , it's not lust, it's something I can't define I just know that when I'm with Eli all my worries fade away and it's like were the only two people in the planet. Is it possible I'm falling for Eli? Or that I'm seeing him again, seeing him for who he really is?

Jake and I had our first argument today since our reconciliation. We were at the Dot where we encountered Eli, he was silent and quiet at the corner of the room, and he sat their thinking, subsided from every other human being in the room. I don't know what came over me that I suddenly let go of Jake's hand and walked toward Eli.

"Hey" I said shifting my hands in my sweater's pockets.

He looked up; his soft olive eyes began to gleam as he spoke silently

"Hey there"

"…Well may I sit?" pointing at the chair next to me.

"Yeah…of course, sit…sit" he pronounced as he got up and moved the chair toward me.

I waited for him to return to his seat.

"So any new, gruesome stories" I said grinning.

He smirked" Well I didn't know I had a fan, Edwards, but to answer your question, no…no more bloody stories at the moment" he responded, and paused, thinking if he should continue his sentence, " but I have written some stuff"

"Some stuff?" I questioned him with curiosity.

"Yeah I've begun to write softer, lighter, not so overwhelming stories"

I sat shocked "Wow, well that's a first" I said in between some giggles.

He smirked "Well I guess, some of you rubbed off on me", I stood motionless to those words, they struck me cold in my chest. I noticed Eli waiting for my reaction. My face grew light and a smile spread over my lips causing Eli to give me a grin in return. Suddenly I felt butterflies inside me; it was a feeling erupting in the pit of my stomach, absolutely different from Jake. I began to move my hand towards Eli.

"Hey, our parents just called, we should get back home" Jake said fumbling his long fingers through his hair. I turned toward Jake and knew instantly he wasn't happy, his eyes were demanding for us to leave.

I turned toward Eli, he was waiting for my response, "Well I gotta go", I swore I saw disappointment flash through his eyes. I began to walk after Jake, he quickened his pace after he felt me follow in behind. Somehow I turned around; it was if I wasn't in control of my own body. I saw Eli, sitting there looking out the window…god he was beautiful.

Before I was able to register my thoughts, I shouted across the room "Hey, I'd like to read some of your new stories" he smirked at me.

"I thought I'd need some editing" I couldn't help but smile I felt my cheeks grow red; I quickly turned and walked toward Jake's truck.

He sat at the ignition with the keys dangling, as soon as I clicked on my seatbelt, Jake drove us home. Our parents were out shopping for groceries.

He sat down, and rummaged his fingers through his gold locks with desperation. I was about to walk toward my room.

"What the hell was that!" he exclaimed with anger and confusion.

"What was what?" I replied instantly

"Uhh Clare, you know what I mean" he grumbled

"You just walking over to Eli…your exboyfriend and forgetting I exist"

"I didn't forget you exist" I replied quickly.

Jake turned and stared at me straight in the eyes. He came closer to me and suddenly bent down to hug me, it was almost desperate, like a plead.

"I'm sorry, I just…I don't know what came over me, it's just seeing you two together…I felt alone" he said silently as his arms tightened around my back.

I picked up his chin, "Hey I'm here", he layed a soft, gentle kiss on my lips. It felt soothing, light, and comfortable.

After the whole scene, Jake went to rent a movie to watch. I felt horrible, physically I felt with him but mentally I was elsewhere. As we watched the film, Jake wouldn't let go of my hand, it felt as if he felt the doubt that had begun to emerge in my heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Two weeks had gone since my last encounterment with Eli at the Dot. I'd gone for a walk early this morning; I awoke to a note from Jake and my step father pronouncing they'd gone fishing. I was happy that Jake had taken some time with his dad, but more than that I needed some time for myself. After two walks around the park I sat under a tree, thinking, trying to figure out the truth. I knew without a doubt I cared about Jake, but to love him was a different thing. Somehow even though I tried not to think about it I knew I didn't love him, I just couldn't see myself spending my whole life beside him.

I began to scramble through my bag in search of a notebook and pen, when I felt someone watching me. I turned and met eyes with Eli; he was gliding from the playground slide. I felt goose bumps as our eyes had locked together. I waved, trying to interrupt the language that our eyes had begun to communicate to one another. He smirked, in his gorgeous way and began to jog towards me.

"Hey Clare", his words came out insecure but kind.

"Hey, so what are you doing on a slide?" I said giving him a crazy grin.

"Well, I believe I'm still a kid and I deserve some fun!" he said in a confident and childlike voice.

I smiled "Haha yeah, I spotted you earlier but I wasn't sure if it was you, I was quite bewildered" he said tugging two strands of black hair behind his ears.

"Bewildered?" I asked

"Yeah, Idk, I just … I never see you anymore, I guess I expected you to be in some beach with Jake" he said, almost asking.

"Well, Jake doesn't really like beaches. He says they have too many people" I replied, Eli studied my face reactions for a second.

"Oh…well I was just leaving. I'm going to pick up Morty, he's finally back to his right state of mind" Eli told me in a soft tone.

I remembered quickly the smell of Morty, pine trees and kiwi; I also recalled what I'd done to him. I sat motionless, not knowing how Eli wanted me to react.

"…Well, it's not a short walk, but would you like to accompany me?" Eli asked me. It was a terrible question to ask which Eli realized too late, I knew I should say _maybe next time but thanks Eli_.

But I responded with a smile, " Sure". Eli turned surprised at my answer but grinned at me in return.

I grabbed my purse, dumping the notebook and pen back into it. We walked for what seemed like thirty minutes. Not one word was spoken, we just walked, hearing each other breathe as the traffic noise filled the air. I t was the longest walk ever. I noticed a few times, that Eli stretched his fingers, probably thinking to himself if it was right to grab a hold of my hand, though every time he retreated on his actions.

We finally stopped at a rusty old place.

"Elijah, you got one heck of a car" a man wearing a stained blue overall shouted at Eli, from inside the giant garage.

"Well thanks, Morty is a charmer" Eli responded, half laughing.

"Well here, he's all yours" the man handed the keys to Eli. Eli began to ruffle through his pockets in search for his wallet.

"Oh and Bullfrog took care of the expenses" Eli sighed but smiled at his father's gesture.

I saw him glare at Morty with such happiness, I felt like crying, I knew well that Morty wasn't just a car to Eli, Morty was like a part of himself. And now staring at Morty I hated to admit, Morty had become a part of me too.

"Clare, hey get in" Eli said as he opened the passenger door for me

I began to walk slowly, I sat and it all felt too familiar.

Eli started the ignition and I began to trace the car door with the tip of my fingers.

I caught Eli staring at me. There was a smile on his lips, it was the perfect smile.

"Well since Bullfrog paid for this beauty queen, I need to find a way to spend this money" Eli said in cocky tone as he patted Morty gently.

I began to laugh "Well you have any ideas, Goldsworthy?"

"Well, yes, Indeed I do, Ms. Edwards" Eli replied with a half smirk as Morty entered the streets.

"Dad I have a question" Jake Martin stammered as he sat, staring straight ahead, not paying any attention to his fishing poll.

His father stared at his son, wondering what could be dragging his son down like this.

"Well…shoot me" Mr. Martin said, trying to ease the mood.

"What would you do if you felt you were losing the one you loved?"

Mr. Martin had to catch his breath for a moment, he knew who Jake was referring too and even though he shouldn't support the relationship, he had since the beginning.

"Well if Helen, one day told me that she'd stop loving me, I'd have to let her go, no matter how much it killed me inside" Mr. Martin paused and looked out into the sparkling water.

"It would be worse, to keep her with me, I'd never want Helen to hate me…" Mr. Martin said in a voice that delivered his exact words.

Jake kept his eye on the water, "Is that what happened with you and mom?" Jake whispered hesitantly.

Mr. Martin let out a long sigh.

"Jake, your mother and I loved each other very much, but when she said she needed some time to think, I didn't let her…she didn't always hate me. There was a time when your mother and I were very much in love."

He peered toward his son, who sat hunchbacked staring at the water. He couldn't believe how fast his son had grown, and even so what a gentlemen he had become. Things hadn't been easy for him but he'd never complained, just stayed silent, accepting anything that came their way. Having him as a son was a great blessing, he hoped that he knew that.

"I remember those days…those were some nice days" Jake said in a silent voice, which seemed like a small child speaking his first words.

Mr. Martin turned and faced his son; he knew he wouldn't face him in return. This was the closest he'd get to ever talking about his mother or himself, he wanted to hug his son and let him know he was here but he knew well that it wasn't the prudent thing to do. 


End file.
